A Life Without Regrets

Four years ago on this very same day, my family underwent the most painful agony of losing our beloved then 22-month old daughter Maia. It happened during sun-break which normally symbolize a new day, a new hope, a new chance. But not that day for it everything went black and numb for us as we struggled to cope with it even as our eldest was still confine and being tested in the hospital since the doctors fully knows not what afflicted our children. Four years has past but the same pain pinches us whenever we remember and most especially this day. It never really goes away and you learn to live with it by God’s grace.

In the weeks after that, one contemplation I had is that going through that loss will undoubtedly be my most painful one as long as I live. Nothing else.

But I was once again mistaken.

A few weeks ago, our youngest son Aim, who is just 16 months, also had a fever and in less than a 24 hours, started convulsing and seizing. He was nursing a 39.7 degree fever which the city hospital a few hours ago already dismissed as a normal child flu and for which we were already sent home after a few hours of medication. My wife and I froze as I held him and as he stiffened his extremities and his eyes went rolling as he closes them slowly. We put him in the lavatory and let the running water run through his lower body. Afterwards, my wife brought him to the shower while I look for the car keys. I took Aim, who was already wrapped in a bath towel and was still half-conscious, and rushed out. I tried to wake him up by calling his name profusely and massaging his legs and body. I was somewhat relieved after he vomited his medicine which my wife also force-fed on him a while back. On the way to nearest hospital, we were all praying as I was blowing the horn endlessly and beating around every red traffic light. In the hospital, the doctor, provided him IV medicines which we later learned to be anti-seizure drugs. On the other hand, she did not address his high-fever that continued to hover between 39.2 to 39.4 degrees. I would feel his occasional body jerks as I carried him. 

And then I broke into tears.

Once again I found myself pleading to God to spare our child from his delicate state. I prayed and hoped against all hope that to lose another child is not another destiny for my family to go through. 

My wife embraced me and so did Zek. 

We were all crying as we held Aim.

A few days afterwards, Aim recovered without the doctor being able to pinpoint his affliction despite the battery of tests they initiated – MRI, ECG, X-ray and blood tests. We immediately went back to Philippines. Yet, barely a day after arriving, another accident happened as my wife slipped down the stairs and she hit her head, opening up a 3-inch wound. With blood gushing down her face, we were back in the hospital ER once again. Luckily for us, her wound appeared superficial after her x-ray check. It was cleaned and wound-dressed and we were allowed to go home after several hours. They gave my wife pain-relievers, antibiotics and two shots of anti-tetatnus vaccine for the next couple of days. I went back to China by myself after 3 days. But misfortune of misfortunes and on my second day of return, I learned from my wife that my mother was already confined 2 days in the hospital due to her bleeding ulcer. Still, by God’s grace, she would not be required to undergo operation in this moment and that her oral medicines will help her heal normally.

So why am I sharing this you?

Why am I letting others know that in a span of days, I almost or could have lost another family member to a sickness or accident.

One reason - life is too short.

I want to re-assure you that life is too fragile to be lived in regrets, in lies and deceits. It is too short to be overcome with anger, hurts and lingering hatred. It is more precious than proving who is right and who is better than the other and letting pride comes in between. It is not a friend of time when it is spent away from loved ones especially from your own family. Life is meaningful when we learn to forgive and to forget what others have done to or against us. Live the lessons that we learned from them but do not dwell on them. Do not let your past define yourself, your views towards your loved ones and your relationships with them and how you deal with others.

If you have a family, be with your family.

If you have time with your family, spend it making them feel that you truly care for them.

If you don’t have time, then make the time.

We are the master of our time only while time has not yet passed because when it is gone, not all the money and wealth can bring back a second of it.

It is true and the undeniable fact.

You can just look at the endless rows and columns of tombstones during this coming All Saints Day and imagine how many regrets were buried with them, never to be brought back and resolved. Let us not add more “sana” and “sayang” into our present relationship with our loved ones. Let us grab the chance to make amends and start out new and start out right.

Once again life is too short to live in regrets.

Live to love.

Let us pray.

Dear God, I have so many hang-ups and regrets in life these days. Have mercy and help me to overcome them so I can live a life that is full – full of love for you and for others. Amen.