True Joy

It is not what we gain that gives us true happiness – it is what we lovingly lose for others.

My college days were full of medical missions and voluntary assistance whenever our school, affiliated hospitals or training centers provide free medical assitances for our less fortunate brothers and sisters. It was always a very challenging role especially during emergency cases which is one of my favorite. The excitement was unending and rewarding when you see a patient walks out feeling relieved in spite of the incoveniences he or she received from any medical procedures done in their bodies.

And since my husband and I have met, we were always blessed to be invited to join in several outreach programs. When we both started working, Rowin’s company in Laguna had this industrial-zone wide safety group LISACOM Committee and one of their programs was visiting and holding a simple Christmas party for an orphanage in Paranaque. They provided Jollibee meals for about 30 kids and some gift-items for them. The kids were so happy having someone provide for them and play with even for just a short time. In turn, they showcased to us their singing talents by rendering a heartwarming Christmas song. That experience was so full of compassion just looking in their eyes.

When we got married, we joined Couples for Christ and have the chance again to participate some outreach programs in Laguna in assisting kids for Christ camping. We did some educational activities, sleep with them and cook foods for their every meals like one big happy get together family reunions.

After celebration with families and friends of Zek's third birthday and Maia’s baptism two years ago, we went straight to Bethany on that same afternoon to share with more than 50 kids in the Bethany orphanage a simple Jolly-burgers and juices while giving away some old but usable toys and clothes. Zek had a great time for they surprised him with a unique birthday song with a prayer before meals. We spend some time with them by talking, listening and playing with them. They are well organized not just for our visit, but as a way living in general. It was another heartwarming moment for all us present that time. Every time, children see someone visiting them, they leap for joy and very happy to see us. They are not always expecting something from us materially, only our presence makes their days complete. Feeling loved even not from their own family can really fill the emptiness and loneliness inside them.

For related stories about Bethany, please copy-paste on your URL link one of the blog-link;
http://people-places-praises.blogspot.com/2007/07/bethany.html
http://people-places-praises.blogspot.com/2008/05/bethany-re-visited.html

God always give us an opportunity to share our blessing to other, for these are chances given to us to show our love for Him by loving others especially the needy, abandoned, and the sick people. We may not get the same chances again and ignoring each one of them every time is simply denying ourselves of God’s eternal love. May we not let Him down as he calls us.

“ For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own. … At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality. ...” — 2 Corinthians 8: 3, 14

Premonitions?

Does it really happen or am I just in exaggeration here? Can someone please tell me? Is it something we should be anxious about or be aware of?

By definition, premonition is an intuition of future event, a strong feeling, without a rational basis, that something is going to happen or an advance warning about a future event.

We didn’t see it coming to us. Well, I guess the meaning says it all. Who would want to see it by all means in anyway? I, myself, don’t want to know at all even if I have felt some strange feelings a couple of days before Maia’s demise. I pay no heed to it all and didn’t want to entertain the thoughts that kept coming on to me. I was just too terrified.

Here are some of them that we recall days after from the time it happened.

The first time I got this strange feeling of it was when our nanny arrived on October 19. The very next day Maia told her, “Ayi, bye-bye Ayi!” (“auntie” in mandarin) and consistently telling it to her for days for no obvious reason. I taught her saying it once when we were about to go home after attending the Gymboree class but she never tried until that day.

Then, suddenly she and Zek went along with each other so well. Playing quietly together minus their usual quarrels of occasional throwing toys to each other, hitting, pushing and shouting was noticeable. I amazingly thought, wow, they are seemingly learning how to settle their differences already at their very young age. I just considered it as one of their milestones and never relate it to the forthcoming event.

A couple of days back, we went to a nearby grocery store. On the way there, Zek decided to ride his bike. Going back home Maia wanted to hitch back ride which her kuya eagerly agreed. Zek was beaming with pride riding with his sister while Maia took pleasure in it and hugged him tightly. Deep inside I thought that she wanted to show her love so much and not just for fear of falling off. They both showed big smiles to everyone they met along. Every person passing by was astonished and simply can’t resist pausing, looking, smiling back and giving words of their praises. Watching them together was a heavenly experience for me that day.

Maia was excessively “malambing” (sweet) to all of us those last few days. Rowin felt the difference every time he came home from work. Her giggles while running towards him to greet her daddy gave him so much joy.

During that night of October 29, Rowin felt so much blessed and proud as a father having both Zek and Maia sat beside him quietly with their small arms lovingly wrapped around his waist. This has never happened since we have them, they’re usually running around the house if not into quarrelling moods. And when it was my time to rest and watch TV, Maia came up to my lap and kept on hugging and kissing me. Suddenly, I felt that I have to assure her back by saying, “Daddy, Mommy and Kuya Zek love you so much.” before hugging her tightly. Until that night, I never told it to her before for I thought she wouldn’t understand it yet anyway. I recalled telling it to Zek every night after he reached age two. Isn't that strange?

When Maia started having fever, she still played with all of us. I went to the bathroom to wash the towel so I can sponge bathe her. I didn’t notice she climbed down the bed as well and “peek a boo” by saying “baah!” to her nanny who just went out from her room to check on her too. We were both surprised for we thought she was asleep already. I then checked on her before 11pm for her antipyretic medicine which will be due soon at 12 midnight, I heard her humming a heavenly tune which I have never heard neither from her or Zek before. My husband realized later on that it was her “swan song”. At past 2am, Zek who was sleeping beside his dad came up on the bed during that night also to stay awake with Maia. I just fell asleep then and was awakened by their movements together. At that instance also, I had an intuition of not wanting to fall asleep again for fear of waking up losing one of my kids.

Lastly, my sister in-law, told me she dreamt of a house with full of yellow lights like having a wake or something that she can’t be sure of and she was writing on their house wall the “Angel of God” prayer that she’s so ardently want to finish it but to no avail and felt so sad and bad about it when she woke up.

There are still a few on my list that I didn’t mention for it only makes me wonder more why I paid no attention to them all. Oh, how did I fail to see it all coming to us? I kept asking God about it for it was very difficult to accept losing a child that way.

“My Child, I am pained because you are now suffering inside. Yet I am happy, too, that you have turned to Me in your suffering, instead of fleeing from your problems with worldly means, as others do.

I have given you this privilege of sharing in My cross as part of My special love for you. As I carry your cross with you, I suffer with you too, as I will also be with you in your resurrection when your suffering will turn into joy.” – Healing Presence

Once again, I take comfort in my God’s love and mercy.
All I need to do is approach Him in humility.