Does it really happen or am I just in exaggeration here? Can someone please tell me? Is it something we should be anxious about or be aware of?
By definition, premonition is an intuition of future event, a strong feeling, without a rational basis, that something is going to happen or an advance warning about a future event.
We didn’t see it coming to us. Well, I guess the meaning says it all. Who would want to see it by all means in anyway? I, myself, don’t want to know at all even if I have felt some strange feelings a couple of days before Maia’s demise. I pay no heed to it all and didn’t want to entertain the thoughts that kept coming on to me. I was just too terrified.
Here are some of them that we recall days after from the time it happened.
The first time I got this strange feeling of it was when our nanny arrived on October 19. The very next day Maia told her, “Ayi, bye-bye Ayi!” (“auntie” in mandarin) and consistently telling it to her for days for no obvious reason. I taught her saying it once when we were about to go home after attending the Gymboree class but she never tried until that day.
Then, suddenly she and Zek went along with each other so well. Playing quietly together minus their usual quarrels of occasional throwing toys to each other, hitting, pushing and shouting was noticeable. I amazingly thought, wow, they are seemingly learning how to settle their differences already at their very young age. I just considered it as one of their milestones and never relate it to the forthcoming event.
A couple of days back, we went to a nearby grocery store. On the way there, Zek decided to ride his bike. Going back home Maia wanted to hitch back ride which her kuya eagerly agreed. Zek was beaming with pride riding with his sister while Maia took pleasure in it and hugged him tightly. Deep inside I thought that she wanted to show her love so much and not just for fear of falling off. They both showed big smiles to everyone they met along. Every person passing by was astonished and simply can’t resist pausing, looking, smiling back and giving words of their praises. Watching them together was a heavenly experience for me that day.
Maia was excessively “malambing” (sweet) to all of us those last few days. Rowin felt the difference every time he came home from work. Her giggles while running towards him to greet her daddy gave him so much joy.
During that night of October 29, Rowin felt so much blessed and proud as a father having both Zek and Maia sat beside him quietly with their small arms lovingly wrapped around his waist. This has never happened since we have them, they’re usually running around the house if not into quarrelling moods. And when it was my time to rest and watch TV, Maia came up to my lap and kept on hugging and kissing me. Suddenly, I felt that I have to assure her back by saying, “Daddy, Mommy and Kuya Zek love you so much.” before hugging her tightly. Until that night, I never told it to her before for I thought she wouldn’t understand it yet anyway. I recalled telling it to Zek every night after he reached age two. Isn't that strange?
When Maia started having fever, she still played with all of us. I went to the bathroom to wash the towel so I can sponge bathe her. I didn’t notice she climbed down the bed as well and “peek a boo” by saying “baah!” to her nanny who just went out from her room to check on her too. We were both surprised for we thought she was asleep already. I then checked on her before 11pm for her antipyretic medicine which will be due soon at 12 midnight, I heard her humming a heavenly tune which I have never heard neither from her or Zek before. My husband realized later on that it was her “swan song”. At past 2am, Zek who was sleeping beside his dad came up on the bed during that night also to stay awake with Maia. I just fell asleep then and was awakened by their movements together. At that instance also, I had an intuition of not wanting to fall asleep again for fear of waking up losing one of my kids.
Lastly, my sister in-law, told me she dreamt of a house with full of yellow lights like having a wake or something that she can’t be sure of and she was writing on their house wall the “Angel of God” prayer that she’s so ardently want to finish it but to no avail and felt so sad and bad about it when she woke up.
There are still a few on my list that I didn’t mention for it only makes me wonder more why I paid no attention to them all. Oh, how did I fail to see it all coming to us? I kept asking God about it for it was very difficult to accept losing a child that way.
“My Child, I am pained because you are now suffering inside. Yet I am happy, too, that you have turned to Me in your suffering, instead of fleeing from your problems with worldly means, as others do.
I have given you this privilege of sharing in My cross as part of My special love for you. As I carry your cross with you, I suffer with you too, as I will also be with you in your resurrection when your suffering will turn into joy.” – Healing Presence
Once again, I take comfort in my God’s love and mercy.
All I need to do is approach Him in humility.
“I don’t know what to say…”
ReplyDeleteMaybe, we should not believe in premonitions after all. Coz you only get to realize those “premonitions” after he/she is gone…
”..kaya pala ganun nangyayari kc mawawala na pala sya…etc…etc..etc…”
Who of us can really tell of a premonition? Sa tingin ko wala ni isa sa atin makapagsasabi nyan. So what for are those premonitions? Does is it really matter? What will you do during those times of premonitions? Can you change the forthcoming events to happen when you came to know of a premonition.
It’s the same thing with death. Nobody can tell until when are we are going to live. Nobody can tell when we are going to die either.
I only believe that everything has a reason.
Every little thing that comes our way has a reason.
“You did not fail to see all those “premonitions” (as you call it) that were coming your way then.”
Things are just really meant to happen…in His time.
Let Go and let God….
If you have time, check out the following site. I hope it could help you in some way.
http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/grief-process.htm
These are situations, feelings and thoughts that are hard to explain. I myself had this feeling before my beloved Mama died. One afternoon while we were eating meryenda she told me that she had a dream. She had a dream that she is with my Papa ( died 5 years back )they were traveling in a long and unwinding road, along their journey she described what she saw, rocky mountains, green trees and at the end she saw a tunnel. On the tunnel she saw a man standing and telling her go back home. I asked my Mama that time who was the man. She said she cannot determine who that man was. Then she told me maybe your Papa wanted me to be with him. I told her " Ma, dont say that, Papa is at peace I need you more, you have to take care of my kids when I get married" She smiled at me and said I never had such a dream. After such story there other things that I noticed with my Mama but what I cant forget was the last word she told me that friday morning. I am about to go to work she said you need to rest last night the doctors were keep on coming and going. I said dont worry Ma I can make it at the office. Then I never thought that was the last hug and kiss for my Mama.
ReplyDeleteIf we may call it premonition, if we only know maybe we could do something else. Like you maybe you never fallen asleep and watched Maia until she woke up in the morning. Me too I maybe did not go to work that day and accompany her at the hospital just to extend the our time together. No one knows, nobody.
We are all in the healing room, grieving and missing them so much but we have to accept that this is reality of life. People come and go at the most unexpected time. We have to accept that they have finished their journey and we are still traveling along. We have to be strong not only for ourselves but for them, I remember when Mama died everybody is telling me not to cry, not to be sad because she will be sad too. I keep that in mind. As a child I dont like my Mama and Papa to be sad so I let go. Same with Angel Maia I am sure she will be sad when she saw you crying and lonely. Cheer up Ate Chie Angel Maia is hugging you when your sad.
Be blessed and regards to Zek and Kuya Rowin
There maybe some truth about premonitions but we only understand the meaning of the strange feeling or the intuition of future event when it became a reality.
ReplyDeleteWhen she was showing that extraordinary affection she is not even very sick yet, right? So who would have thought that she’ll be leaving the world soon? No one. I would have reacted similarly when Maia was extra sweet. I would have interpreted it as a sign of growing up, that she is growing up to be very lovable. The good thing about it is that you reacted with the same fondness towards her.
Now, let’s conclude that everything that you told were premonitions. But whether you took it as an advance warning or not, in the end you will still get hurt. A death of a loved one is always painful whether you have an idea if something bad is going to happen soon or not. My advice now is to take the “premonitions” as something to smile about. Maia lived a happy life. Perhaps, those “premonitions” happened because she wanted you and the whole family to remember her as a child who loves you so dearly, someone who made you smile and brought so much joy to the family. The good memories are telling you that Maia wants you to be happy even without her physical presence.