Few days before my Angel Maia’s departure, I remember clearly in my mind watching her playing quietly with Kuya Zek (her older brother) while I am catching up reading all my backlog emails from 2007. I felt this happiness and deep fulfillment inside me that I have never felt my entire life and probably won’t get the same chance to experience it again. Looking at them, I have gained true joy and contentment on that short moment. I smiled, closed my eyes and give thanks to God at that instant for the wonderful life that I have. I can ask nothing more else but to keep my family together this way.
At the back of my mind I was asking myself, “Oh, why do I deserve this so much blessings whereas I am just like everyone else who struggles in life to do good and avoid evil.”
Recently, I am coming full circles in understanding that God was actually preparing me for a life-changing event, that I may endure the sorrowful experience of losing a daughter. By sourcing all my strength from all the great and fond memories of Maia, I get to choose to remember the good stuffs for me to survive and discard all absurdities that will only add to my grief.
There are still so many questions lingering in my mind about that fateful day, and with every forthcoming answer leading me to more unanswered whys and what ifs. With countless sleepless nights spent in wondering that how can something so beautiful be taken away so fast, that someone so close to my heart, body, mind and soul be gone so soon?
I have to admit that there are still times since then that I want to stop and forget my existence but there is always something or someone comes along my way to give me a reason to live and move on. Family members, relatives and friends who willingly listen and support us are daily graces from above.
I am so surprised at how I become stronger than my desire to keep on blaming myself for any oversight assessment of Maia’s indicative illness prior to her death and avoiding sinking myself into anguish, misery and lonesomeness.
Faith is the source of it all. God’s love is so powerful. Psalm 23:1 “The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need.”
And with all humility, I ceaselessly pray that I may continue to live according to His will and offer everything for His greater glory, faithfully.
Amen.
At the back of my mind I was asking myself, “Oh, why do I deserve this so much blessings whereas I am just like everyone else who struggles in life to do good and avoid evil.”
Recently, I am coming full circles in understanding that God was actually preparing me for a life-changing event, that I may endure the sorrowful experience of losing a daughter. By sourcing all my strength from all the great and fond memories of Maia, I get to choose to remember the good stuffs for me to survive and discard all absurdities that will only add to my grief.
There are still so many questions lingering in my mind about that fateful day, and with every forthcoming answer leading me to more unanswered whys and what ifs. With countless sleepless nights spent in wondering that how can something so beautiful be taken away so fast, that someone so close to my heart, body, mind and soul be gone so soon?
I have to admit that there are still times since then that I want to stop and forget my existence but there is always something or someone comes along my way to give me a reason to live and move on. Family members, relatives and friends who willingly listen and support us are daily graces from above.
I am so surprised at how I become stronger than my desire to keep on blaming myself for any oversight assessment of Maia’s indicative illness prior to her death and avoiding sinking myself into anguish, misery and lonesomeness.
Faith is the source of it all. God’s love is so powerful. Psalm 23:1 “The LORD is my shepherd; I have everything I need.”
And with all humility, I ceaselessly pray that I may continue to live according to His will and offer everything for His greater glory, faithfully.
Amen.
