A Life Without Regrets

Four years ago on this very same day, my family underwent the most painful agony of losing our beloved then 22-month old daughter Maia. It happened during sun-break which normally symbolize a new day, a new hope, a new chance. But not that day for it everything went black and numb for us as we struggled to cope with it even as our eldest was still confine and being tested in the hospital since the doctors fully knows not what afflicted our children. Four years has past but the same pain pinches us whenever we remember and most especially this day. It never really goes away and you learn to live with it by God’s grace.

In the weeks after that, one contemplation I had is that going through that loss will undoubtedly be my most painful one as long as I live. Nothing else.

But I was once again mistaken.

A few weeks ago, our youngest son Aim, who is just 16 months, also had a fever and in less than a 24 hours, started convulsing and seizing. He was nursing a 39.7 degree fever which the city hospital a few hours ago already dismissed as a normal child flu and for which we were already sent home after a few hours of medication. My wife and I froze as I held him and as he stiffened his extremities and his eyes went rolling as he closes them slowly. We put him in the lavatory and let the running water run through his lower body. Afterwards, my wife brought him to the shower while I look for the car keys. I took Aim, who was already wrapped in a bath towel and was still half-conscious, and rushed out. I tried to wake him up by calling his name profusely and massaging his legs and body. I was somewhat relieved after he vomited his medicine which my wife also force-fed on him a while back. On the way to nearest hospital, we were all praying as I was blowing the horn endlessly and beating around every red traffic light. In the hospital, the doctor, provided him IV medicines which we later learned to be anti-seizure drugs. On the other hand, she did not address his high-fever that continued to hover between 39.2 to 39.4 degrees. I would feel his occasional body jerks as I carried him. 

And then I broke into tears.

Once again I found myself pleading to God to spare our child from his delicate state. I prayed and hoped against all hope that to lose another child is not another destiny for my family to go through. 

My wife embraced me and so did Zek. 

We were all crying as we held Aim.

A few days afterwards, Aim recovered without the doctor being able to pinpoint his affliction despite the battery of tests they initiated – MRI, ECG, X-ray and blood tests. We immediately went back to Philippines. Yet, barely a day after arriving, another accident happened as my wife slipped down the stairs and she hit her head, opening up a 3-inch wound. With blood gushing down her face, we were back in the hospital ER once again. Luckily for us, her wound appeared superficial after her x-ray check. It was cleaned and wound-dressed and we were allowed to go home after several hours. They gave my wife pain-relievers, antibiotics and two shots of anti-tetatnus vaccine for the next couple of days. I went back to China by myself after 3 days. But misfortune of misfortunes and on my second day of return, I learned from my wife that my mother was already confined 2 days in the hospital due to her bleeding ulcer. Still, by God’s grace, she would not be required to undergo operation in this moment and that her oral medicines will help her heal normally.

So why am I sharing this you?

Why am I letting others know that in a span of days, I almost or could have lost another family member to a sickness or accident.

One reason - life is too short.

I want to re-assure you that life is too fragile to be lived in regrets, in lies and deceits. It is too short to be overcome with anger, hurts and lingering hatred. It is more precious than proving who is right and who is better than the other and letting pride comes in between. It is not a friend of time when it is spent away from loved ones especially from your own family. Life is meaningful when we learn to forgive and to forget what others have done to or against us. Live the lessons that we learned from them but do not dwell on them. Do not let your past define yourself, your views towards your loved ones and your relationships with them and how you deal with others.

If you have a family, be with your family.

If you have time with your family, spend it making them feel that you truly care for them.

If you don’t have time, then make the time.

We are the master of our time only while time has not yet passed because when it is gone, not all the money and wealth can bring back a second of it.

It is true and the undeniable fact.

You can just look at the endless rows and columns of tombstones during this coming All Saints Day and imagine how many regrets were buried with them, never to be brought back and resolved. Let us not add more “sana” and “sayang” into our present relationship with our loved ones. Let us grab the chance to make amends and start out new and start out right.

Once again life is too short to live in regrets.

Live to love.

Let us pray.

Dear God, I have so many hang-ups and regrets in life these days. Have mercy and help me to overcome them so I can live a life that is full – full of love for you and for others. Amen.

Comfort Zone

I was born and grew up in the city. I am used to simply going out of our house and finding all that we need by just a walk away, our friends and relatives are all just literally a call away. So I can not imagine myself living in a place far, far away from everything especially away from all the significant friends. I’ll honestly freak out unless I've got all the necessities I need around me within reach.  But the reality for the past years is that I all my family members and old friends are far away already since we stayed overseas. We meet new friends but the distance between is a sad fact that remains. My husband, kids and I, most of the time, feel alone. Under this situation, we have always chosen to stay in the city and make the most of what is around us.

As of writing this article, we are in the situation of moving to a place far, far away from the city (OK, allow me just to exaggerate a bit, he. he.). It's about 45 minutes in a private car depending on the traffic flow. In contrast though, it is just a 25-minute drive away from Rowin’s company. I should be having a heavy heart regarding this un-welcomed change, making a long argument and becoming a selfish stubborn person that I can be to not to allow this to happen. A part of me is protesting why do I have to give up everything and be a "captive" of my own family when all I need to do is work my way up my professional ladder again. I must admit that I had high expectations when I was still studying, dreaming to drive my own two-door top down white car, to have my own big dream house (but I surmised that this is just a fad that can easily fade away) and traveling around the world enjoying every beauty of God’s creation. On the other hand, I unceasingly pray to God for a happy, peaceful and loving family too (this needs a continuance of good relationship and ,with lots of prayers, will give a lifetime of personal achievement). 

Amazingly, my husband did not even sweat out when he asked me to relocate again to this far-flung place for I did not want to waste my energy disagreeing or giving him a heartache knowing it was his foremost decision to move there. I prefer for us to be in good spirit as much as possible to wherever destinations or whatever situations we may be. Our relationship is more important than anything else and so I agree instantly though I still have some hesitations. It all ends up to having more quality time that could be spend into more productive and valued moments together especially with the home-schooling of  Zek. This would also imply less exposure to crowded areas thereby avoiding most of the common possible acquired  illnesses for Aim. Meanwhile, me and Rowin could catch a breeze of fresh air and spend more time to refill our diminishing love tanks.

I prayed to God that He disciplined me from all my selfish ambitions us as we follow His path. If it’s my way that is not according to His will, then may He transform my heart towards the right direction for there is no easy way to a good life, prioritizing the importance of values and not our valuables.

Lots of things needed to be considered, like basic necessities, schools and after home-school activities for Zek, supermarkets or markets nearby, reliable hospital (our top priority for my allergic, asthmatic, prone to sickness boys) but unfortunately, the nearest one is about 15 minutes travel time by car. Thinking all of these stuffs reinforces my worries and these concerns me a lot. I do realize that this shows me how little faith I have in our God. I feel shamed by these moments that I need to undergo every time we face changes away from our comfort zone when our regular daily life gets disturbed.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothes? Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” - Matthew 6:25-34

Truly, it all goes without saying that to depend on God’s unconditional love to us is always the primary option and the rest will follow as we humble ourselves before Him. 

As Rowin is leading our family, I will be ever supportive of his headship as I can be and we will be praying together that may the Lord strengthen us, lead us and show us His wisdom that we may gain knowledge from it according to His will. Yes, not our will be done. 

"My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,' says the Lord. 'For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

"...be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for 'God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.' Therefore, humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober; be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour." 1 Peter 5:5-8

E.R. Moments

Since we get back end of July here in China, we have been in and out of the emergency room of the Maternity and Child Hospital in Zhuhai. This is not counting the regular visit to the doctor’s clinic for check-ups. Despite the stress and sorrow, we somehow were able to make every visit a learning experience for each one of us except of course for our one-year old son Aim who’s getting all the pains during these visits.

Rowin and I were challenged in understanding every hospital signs translations and communicating with doctors and staffs speaking very little English. On the other hand, they were very patient to explain their intention and were helpful, accommodating every request we have just to reduce the trauma for Aim (imagine IV injection through the hand vein instead of the head!)

Sleepy Zek was supportive and cooperative all those times, getting a lot less of his regular night sleep without any single protest though we have been going very early in the morning usually between midnight to the wee hours in the morning. He just spent most of his time turning the hospital TV into his personal entertainment watching cartoon cable TV Channel even if it was in Chinese languages. He alternated this with his math worksheets or computer games, things he cannot just do on a regular day of lesson time. And the best part of each trip was a Mcdo breakfast meal, just like his daddy promised!

Zek was also curiously observing the reactions of each patient child in the E.R getting their infusion shot mostly done on the head for babies and on extremities for some toddlers. But he never did watch Aim’s turn to get the IV injection. He somehow felt his pain too.

Being in the medical profession (though I was not able to practice full-time after marriage), I thought that I have enough health safeguards to keep my family from getting ill often or to at least prevent those critical ones. But the reality is that in spite of my full-time personal home care, being cautious in everything we do, overly protective in their activities, practicing hygienic routines and keeping the floor sanitized if not squeaky clean, they still easily can catch colds. Zek has coughs, sometimes with fever, almost every month and it the same with me and my husband. Aim’s diarrheal bouts, in all likelihood due to his G6PD, cow’s milk allergies, lactose intolerance or Gastroenteritis is like a never ending battle for him since birth accompanied. He vomits at some occasion and his skin rashes never go away.

These situations lead me all back to our Almighty, God our Healer, our Creator and the Most High.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” PROVERBS 3:5-6

Every IV injection to Aim’s body quiet us down to pray on our own ways that the nurse will get it in one attempt, that may the therapy being done without undergoing the same procedure again up to the time we checked out, hoping that it will always be the last. Aim got five times of IV injections within our four visits that made his arms and feet swollen, had fifteen times bowel movement in less than 16 hours and he lost almost 2 kilos in which was hard gained since birth. We can feel some of his bones directly under his skins. We do not get tired carrying him for long hours during the entire IV sessions and even back home since he does not have the energy to cry anymore, has totally lost his appetite and shows no interest about his surroundings.

This is such a low point for us and in this entire event we keep humbly seeking God’s wisdom and guidance for it is always a rewarding feeling whenever the medications, therapies or any treatment done are showing signs of good effect.

Healing is a long course of action in any aspects and our faith in God too is still a work in progress that we may keep it all high up to Him. 

My prayer is that may God guide us to pursue His will in our daily struggles in life and that we may make use of our sacrifices and suffering to be our submissions and offerings to Him.

Salamat Po

Dear All,

To all those who donated to BBBS through our Maia Outreach Programs, our sincere thanks to you. We have deposited our total donation of 7,600.00 Php to their designated bank accounts in order to support 2 volunteers and 12 student school back-packs this coming May 2012.

Please include all BBBS organizers and volunteers in your prayers for another successful and safe trip.

God bless your kind hearts.

In Christ,
Maia Outreach Program

BIG BROTHER BIG SISTER 2012

BIG BROTHER BIG SISTER

As the first rays of sun caught his eyes, Jose awoke and sat up on his wooden cot. Through the window, he could see majestic Mt. Halcon amid the morning mist and it promises to be a warm sunny day. However, he wants to feign illness and stay home today.

Teacher Emma reminded him yesterday that he needs to take down notes in order to review for the exams. What he didn’t tell his teacher was he didn’t have any notebooks in his plastic bag, which serves as his school bag this year. He knew that if he asked his father for notebooks, he would be told to stop going to school and help in the fields instead.

Through the Big Brother Big Sister (BBBS) Community Outreach Program, children in such families get a chance to go to school without adding to their parents’ burden of putting food on the table. Each year, BBBS big brothers and sisters carry school supplies on their backs, trek through mountain trails and distribute them to the children in need. On May 12 – 13 this year, BBBS will benefit children in the Mangyan communities of Dulangan and Lantuyan, Municiplity of Baco, Oriental Mindoro.

BBBS invites you to be a big brother or big sister to FIVE HUNDRED children! How?:

1. Pledge to sponsor one child for P300 (USD 7.00) - Email to helpbbbs@gmail.com or contact Sherryl Gumban +639216012154 or Tina Palestina +639223393353.

2. Come and meet the kids yourself, sign up as a BBBS volunteer

3. Send this message to your friends, relatives or colleagues who might wish to help

Visit: http://bbbs2005.multiply.com or Facebook: BigBrother BigSister for more information.

Let’s keep Jose in school while his father tends to the crops ...

BIG BROTHER BIG SISTER

Big dreams begin with small steps!

2011 MOP Report

To all our Dear Good Friends,

Our Happy New Year Greetings to all.

May the start of the year be merry and full of hope to all of us giving praise and glory to God for His year-long guidance, healing and our eternal providence.

2012 will be our 4^th year, Maia Outreach Programs (MOP) and 2011 was another good year for all of us with so many blessings in spite of our own family concerns.

We want to give thanks and praise to our God for continuously providing us, protecting us and healing us again in the year 2011 that we may be able to share in His ministry. In spite of the financial crisis to everyone last year we were able to continue to love others in many opportunities that God is giving to us.

In May, it was our 3^rd year of joining BBBS (Big Brothers Big Sisters) project with 2 of our MOP volunteers sending the 18 pieces school bags we sponsor. http://maiaoutreachprogram.i.ph/blogs/maiaoutreachprogram/2011/05/13/three-schools-and-a-storm/ They went hiking to Marinduque, providing school bags to the students in one of the rural area in our country. http://maiaoutreachprogram.i.ph/blogs/maiaoutreachprogram/?p=48

In July, we were able to contribute a 500 pieces of bricks into the “Donate-A-Brick” campaign for the construction of 4-storey bulding to house the street children of He Cares Foundation. http://www.hecaresfoundation.com/

On December 2011, our small community Brgy China’s Christmas Party was not just full of fun with lots of good food to share but we were able to generate through kind donations and fund-raising raffle. As a result, we were able to transfer donations amounting to 12,250php to the Cancer Warrior Foundation (http://www.c-warriors.org) to support a cancer-stricken child with his/her expensive medical treatment. We were also able to provide Php 25,000 via Caritas Manila (http://www.caritasmanila.org.ph) to the casualties of Sendong Typhoon last month in our country which have taken away so many lives and their properties (http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/113585/catholic-bishops-join-calls-for-more-aid-to-storm-victims). Let us all pray that this tragedy may not happen again in our country or any part of the world. These include also the “Noche Buena” yearly community service of Chua Family in Pasig City wherein our least brothers and sisters received a grocery gift bags. Distribution reached to about 97 families using a total amount of about 29,100php.

And the primary beneficiary of MOP is the Bethany Orphanage House in Guiguinto Bulacan accommodating abandoned children under the care of Sister Shirley together with all her volunteered assistants providing them a sack of rice regularly.

In addition, we also support other ministries of Kerygma Family as a member.

Thank you again for your unending kindness and generosity, our prayers for you all.

May we continue to love God by loving other and share our blessings to them.

(originally posted on January 5, 2012)

26 Pages

In our present age of internet and electronic banking, more and more people are into paper money as growth instrument of their personal riches and treasure.

Some people have a portfolio list of their blue-chip stocks purchases.

Some people hold onto their investments in mutual or hedge fund management.

Some people safe-keeps a folder of land title certificates of properties they own.

For me and my wife, however, our most prized possession of paper record consists 26-page deposit of “wealth” that we are keeping and which we traditionally review once in every year for the past three years. Each passing year, it is becoming clearer to us how we can still consider ourselves to be one of the richest family despite losing one of our priceless treasures. Tears still run across my face every time I re-read each and every single page, while the pain and deep longing surfaces up from their very long slumber.

Yes, three years ago, we lost our daughter Maia.

But that devastating moment also made us realized how enormously loved we are by God, by our families, our relatives and our friends.

Matthew 5:4 says “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”

Yes, our greatest paper treasure is the 26 pages of double-columned compilation of all loving assurances, spirit-filling empathies and advices, strength-renewing anecdotes and faith-building messages that we received from a lot of close people and even from people we never personally met before. Actually, this compilation did not even include those who personally embraced us, condole with us and cried with us, but this is enough testament for us on how God can send and use willing people to be sources of comfort in times of distress.

So to all our dear friends who allowed yourselves to be God’s instrument of comfort during our desperate time of grief, once again, our sincerest gratitude.

We may not be able to thank you enough but we will do pay it forward to others who are in need.

Sirach 6:14-17

Faithful friends are a sturdy shelter; whoever finds one finds a treasure.

Faithful friends are beyond price, no amount can balance their worth.

(originally posted on October 26, 2011)

United in Faith

Joel, an OFW band artist in Shenzhen suddenly felt intense chest pain on August 5 so his friend rushed him to the nearest hospital where he was confined in ICU for several days and subsequently diagnosed with a heart problem that needed immediate surgery. However, being relatively new in his job, he is without any financial capability to support his astronomically-high two-part surgery to literally extend his life. His kind employer offered to shoulder a large part of the cost but the balance is still beyond his means. And so, his kind-hearted friend, who has been taking care of him ever since, make the desperate yet humble move to reach out for help to one of the Pinoy she met before in the Philippine Consulate.

Before everyone knew it, the prayer and donation campaign has started. Small groups, and friends of friend of friends of this small group started to give their individual support in whatever simple way they can. Some are campaigning persistently and liaised with consulate officials who promised to extend assistance in the coming days, some people donated outright, and most have offered prayers.

During these few days, I can’t help but recall the biblical story of the paralytic man who was bodily-lifted by his friends to be healed by Jesus.

Matthew 9:2 reads, “And behold they brought to him one sick of the palsy lying in a bed. And Jesus, seeing their faith, said to the man sick of the palsy, “Be of good heart, son, your sins are forgiven.”

Seeing their faith.

It’s a humbling revelation that when humanity unites for a Godly purpose, God who sees this collective faith, in addition to the faith of the ailing individual, hears and answers their prayers.

Joel’s first-part operation last Friday was a success and his second operation will be this coming Wednesday, Aug. 24. You too can be a part of this unity in faith.

Please offer a short prayer for Joel Oliva.

PS.

Another former OFW in China is also battling his stage 3 cancer in Philippines. His name is Ben Ducusin.

Please include him and his family in your prayers, too.

God bless us all.

(originally posted on August 22, 2011)