I am down with flu since Monday, sleepless nights of indescribable pain and I developed whooping cough that makes it harder for me to sleep with runny nose causing my severe headache like I’ve been hit on the head with rock by all the people I’ve hurt in my entire life (just saying it with exaggeration). Then, I thank God for my fever of only 38.7 degrees Celsius so this is not swine flu (my fingers are crossed while typing this article). I don’t have those vomiting and diarrhea symptoms too though the body weakness with heaviness are present. Medically speaking, I don’t know the normal values anymore, when to say its critical, life threatening or a mild condition for it is in constant change depending on the latest seasonal flu type or what’s IN, hmm… Then, my 5 year old son got infected too with the same illness on my way to recovery in exchange of staying by my side (he took care of me and he sings while lying beside me everyday). This helps my fast regain of strength so I could play with him again.
I get a lot of chance to reflect on what my daughter was feeling on the night of her sickness and people who are suffering from any type of illness at the same time. I feel so weak, vulnerable and the pain makes me weep since I haven’t got to experience illnesses quite often in my lifetime. I am so thin-skinned and terrified with any kind of body pains that every time, I would ask God if this is some sort of my reprimand from Him or simply a way of calling me to slow down and have some quite moments with Him.
And at this time, I get to asked myself if I am ready to go now. I said YES without any hesitation, argument or bargaining deals with Him. Well, I know for certain this will be the closest thing I will ever get into stage 5, I just pray to let it be done to me during my sleep feeling no pain but only at peace and quiet. Did I disappoint you? I just felt that I’m already done in this world by offering my most beloved daughter to Him as my greatest sacrifice so far, I can’t think of anything else greater than this that I can still offer to Him. Can my family survive without me? I’d say YES. Their strong faith will lead them always in the right path of life and they are surrounded by good people who are willing to support them unconditionally but most of all I know God loves them more than I love them. He will watch over them.
I want to share a poem written by Fr. John Sherlock titled “TO MEET IN HEAVEN”
To meet in heaven! How sweet a thought, when life short years are past.
No more to weep, no more to part, to meet in heaven at last.
To meet in heaven! O blessed thought. All care and suffering over.
Meet in the mansions of the blessed and love forevermore.
To meet in heaven around the throne of him who died to save.
Be this our hope, our anxious care to meet beyond the grave. Amen.
My God is being merciful and forgiving this time for not answering my plea, as they say; we get the most rewarding experiences in life from all our unanswered prayers. He still wants me to do more for Him and live life to the greatest extent. Ever since, I’ve been asking God to let me go ahead before my family for I may not be able to survive a loss and still keep my sanity all over again. I pray for wisdom to know my life purpose and do live it according to His divine will.
On another aspect, my husband and I get a chance too for a deep conversation regarding purgatory, a place where of deep longing to God. He told me that every soul must stay there for some time even if the sins did received penance here on earth except for those children with uncorrupted lives that goes straight in heaven as an angel. Like for the case of our 22 month-old daughter, our Parish priest kept on declining our persistent request to bless her or celebrate a mass during her wake while assuring us completely that she is saved already and happily serving God as an angel in heaven. He blessed her too during a short visit after his daily morning mass in the parish church, purportedly, only for our family’s peace of mind.
Before I totally recuperated, I get to offer my pains to all souls in purgatory.
In sickness and in health, I praise You my Lord and my God our Healer.
